Posted by AmySanderMontanez at 3/1/2011 8:43 AM | Add Comment

Forgiveness #2

Many people emailed me last week and commented on how complicated the issue of forgiveness is in their lives.  I agree.  Forgiveness is a difficult and complicated thought and act. Ultimately, I believe forgiveness is also a grace.  By that I mean that in some ways, when we are ready and willing, we are given the gift of forgiveness in our lives.  It is like a river that is already there and when we open ourselves to the possibility, then we can step into the gift of that river.

I want to comment on a few things that forgiveness is not, because this is what came up in responses from people.

Forgiveness is not justice.  You can forgive someone and still want justice.  This is common and understandable. Sometimes getting justice can make the forgiveness process a little easier, but it does not preclude forgiving.  You can forgive even if you don’t seek justice or justice is not done, because forgiveness is ultimately about energy.  It is about being freed from something that is holding captive your energy, your life force.

Forgiveness is not reconciliation.  Several people emailed me and said they couldn’t forgive someone because they would never want to be reconciled to a person.  No worries here!  Reconciliation is another step entirely, and should only be taken if you feel sure the other person is truly repentant, (not just remorseful) and that you can be safe with the other person.  I have watched people try to reconcile too soon, before they have enough information or before they have journeyed through the difficult process of forgiveness.  Reconciliation is a choice you can make, but you do not have to reconcile to forgive another person.  Remember, when you forgive, you are setting yourself and another free from past things that are binding you.

Forgiveness is not giving someone another chance.  Sometimes we give a person another chance without really forgiving.  If they blow it again, then we have a storehouse of things to forgive.  It might have been worth it, might not have.  Sometimes we give someone another chance and it works out perfectly.  Then we are glad we did that and the forgiveness may come easier.  I do know people who have said they are glad they gave the person another chance, it all worked out, and then they realize they really still haven’t forgiven the other.  How do they know that?  Because whatever “it” is, it is still taking up valuable psychic energy.

I hope that helps some.  Please keep letting me know about your own journeys to forgiveness.